marrying a tongan man

Many of the young people interviewed scorned what they considered to be unrealistic and anachronistic expectations of young people's behaviour, and most concurred that parents and church authorities 'just don't know what [young people] get up to' (Tony, age 18).

How barbaric! [1] This strategy of marrying the title-holder to non-Tongans helped to safeguard the Tu'i Tonga's position, as the Tu'i Tonga Fefine's children would otherwise have outranked him.[3]. Nelly describes condoms as: While the protective function of condoms was well understood, distinct risks were associated with condom access and use. Within anthropology, literature, and the visual arts the portrayal of Polynesian and other Oceanic peoples has been highly sexualised. Culturally it is deemed a taboo and rarely, if ever, talked about. When men use condoms the decency or cleanliness of their partner is impugned. Recourse was made to 'the Tongan way' not simply to describe local norms and mores in a general reference to the 'way things are around here'—but more specifically to invoke qualities, beliefs and practices that are essentially and definitively Tongan, and a 'way' that is central to Tongan identity. They framed their decisions and the rationality underpinning their condom use in the context of their own intimate relationships, describing a strategic approach to condom use that made no reference to parents or wider Tongan community mores. Nevertheless, condoms are frequently available free or handed out in Nuku'alofa nightclubs, and some of the young women told us that their husbands or partners had come home with a condom, asking them to try it out 'for fun.' However the matter and primacy of tradition is not uncontested, and 'the Tongan way' is regularly invoked in contemporary political wrangling over democratic reform and debates around the relative benefits of modernity and participation in a global economy. Because of this many young people would expect to incur severe punishment. One person described condoms as 'essential safety equipment' and another as a 'life preserver.' The contexts and situations that participants in this research associated with condoms indicate that condoms signify illicit and socially irresponsible sex in general. The first Tu'i Tonga Fefine married a high-ranking Fijian, to form the 'Ha'a Falefisi' ("House of Fiji") line. The advantages of condom use, as understood and expressed by the participants, relate to individual responsibility and afford freedoms and security at the level of the individual, dissociated from wider community concerns and values. According to tradition, the first Tu'i Tonga Fefine was Sinaitakala-‘ilangileka, a daughter of ʻUluaki-mata I. While I had grown up knowing and upholding this value all my life, the feeling of having to go through with the ceremony was so nerve racking and invasive: What if I don’t bleed? For the young people interviewed in this research, these social risks are specifically framed in terms of the lived realities of being Tongan. In addition, scrutiny of the interview narratives shows that condoms are both explicitly and implicitly associated with forbidden sex and social transgression. In order to further an understanding of factors impacting on, or limiting, condom use among young people in Tonga, a qualitative investigation was undertaken by researchers from the University of New South Wales and the Papua New Guinea Institute of Medical Research. According to some participants, this intention is even less forgivable than an unpremeditated lapse in behaviour or 'foolishness' that a sexual encounter might constitute.

The recognition of the safety afforded by condoms in principle is overshadowed by the recognition of the risks associated with condoms in practice.

However, you could argue that it is possible for a man to marry his widow’s sister. Participants described their families and communities as ones in which strict obedience is demanded of children. She held a higher social status than the Tu'i Tonga himself. A man in Japan married a hologram earlier this month. Also there is a sense here in which Ruby's statement also reflects the belief that men are the ones who need condoms to protect themselves from disease. Did the culture ever consider that not everyone bleeds? The phrase 'the Tongan way' was one introduced by the participants themselves as a device to refer to Tongan-ness and to what it is to be Tongan. Although the diagnosis of STIs in Tonga is thought to be significantly underreported, the current rate particularly in the 15–24-year age group has been identified as cause for concern. Appreciation of the significance of the repeated invocation of 'the Tongan way, and the consequent instatement of condom use as a more collectively borne risk to Tongan tradition, may benefit from further contextualisation. Get our best stories delivered to your inbox each day! using this website - Accessibility statement, Anne Summers: ‘Rosie Batty can't do it all by herself’, Here's how to change your bad eating habits, Date puddings with maple syrup and pistachio ice cream. Even while endorsing condom use on the grounds of it being 'good for young people' and stating that condoms could save them from 'ruining their lives,' women most strongly eschewed condoms for their own use. Those who adopted condom use in their own lives could be distinguished from a 'mainstream' of other participants by non-normative characteristics other than their condom use. 'Sexy' is not considered a positive attribute by these young Tongan women. The results suggest that responsibilities to family, to community, and to tradition may be experienced as more pressing, or more immediate, priorities than that of individual health concerns. The premise that condoms are primarily used for extramarital sex is also evident in one young man's estimate of the level of condom use in Tonga: Many young people pointed out that Tonga is a society where feminine modesty is very highly valued.

Ruby refuses to be treated as if she was diseased. Young people who used or carried condoms would be considered disrespectful, immodest and disobedient. They were connected to networks in New Zealand through cousins or boyfriends, and these connections tended to provide their condoms.

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